Have a nice life.

This week marked the beginning of exams, and also my last interactions with several students. Most of them are completely unaware we're not returning for another year here, and simply say, "Have a nice summer break!" Those who realize otherwise wish me a bright future by saying, "I hope you have a nice life", which makes me guffaw slightly before I explain that it might not be best to use that as a parting phrase.

I've attempted to make my exams cheat-proof this semester, since at least half of my students are cheating little cheaters -- and I have a myriad of examples I could give to support this claim. Take, for instance, the most recent occasion on my first day of exams, where a student walked in and said:

Student: I'm student number 12, my name is Sunshine! Hi.
Me: ... wait, are you in my class?
Student: Yes, I'm number 12.
Me: No really, I've never seen you before.
Student: Ha ha, well, I've eaten a lot and am fat now, so...
Me: Do you have i.d.?
Student: Um, yes, but at dormitory.
Me: That's fine, I'll wait. Thank you.
Student: My hair is also different! So maybe you don't--
Me: Go get your i.d., please.

She never returned, confirming my suspicion that -- YES, THAT'S RIGHT -- my student had sent another girl to take her exam. It happened to a few other foreign teachers last semester, as well. Crafty monsters.

Wellllll, today was the end of a seven-day workweek if you can't tell from my slightly off-kilter ramblings, because according to our University, we have a three-day holiday for Dragonboat Festival (Monday - Wednesday), but only if we make up Monday and Tuesday classes the week before. Right... uh, thanks? Clearly they were sniffing baijiu when they made this decision.

Regardless, I'll spend my days off trying my best to find a dragonboat race I can participate in as I did two years ago in Harbin. Wish me luck.

A little something to brighten your day.

Two photos of some Chinese hairstyles that grace this fine town (and really, these aren't the most outlandish) --

This Marge Simpson hair style is quite popular among older women.

And among younger women, a weird two-layer cut with a bowl-shaped shorter level and a weird, stringy longer level. Yup, lookin' good.

A list.

Things That Are Growing Mold in my Apartment Despite Noble and Strenuous Efforts to the Contrary:

1. The walls.
2. My clothes.
3. My underwear.
4. My boots.
5. My pumps.
6. My flats.
7. My hiking boots.
8. My "mattress" (i.e., the blankets I layer under my bedsheets so as to provide padding for my wooden bed).
9. My mah jong set.
10. My bag of rice.
11. My bag of noodles.
12. My jar of peanut butter.
13. My wooden carvings from Lijiang.
14. My luggage.
15. My backpack.
16. My passport.

Off the walking trail, because there isn't one.

To celebrate International Labor Day, I went off for a couple of days into the unknown with a few other teachers. After some thorough research (read: one webpage) we took a bus to Jiangjin, a city to the south of Chongqing's center, and from there to Zhongshan Ancient Town via a rickety minibus that kept stopping for more passengers along the road until it was bursting at the seams for all of its 56km drive.

Zhongshan is a well-known Chinese tourist destination for Chongqing residents, but little known to foreigners -- it is home to Anhui-style buildings making up the ancient town alongside the Flying Dragon River, where current residents slice eels in front of you and feed you all kinds of fish. We stayed at a random house that rents out a few beds above the restaurant, and whose entrance room is plastered full of old, faded Mao propaganda posters and faint Party slogans stenciled onto the wall, as well as numerous signs cautioning against smoking in bed, given that one misplaced cigarette would light up the whole town.


View from our room.

Zhongshan from across the river.

There are walking trails leading out to an extensive area of hiking, allowing you to see cascades, rock carvings and the Stairway to Heaven -- 6,000 steps carved into the side of the mountain by a man to show his love for his wife. The unfortunate thing is that due to our inability to read completely inaccurate Chinese maps (they have led me astray many a time before), and coupled with extensive construction on a new hospital right in the middle of what should have been a walking path, we didn't actually see any of it. We did however see a lot of Chinese countryside, as beautiful as it gets in Chongqing with blue skies and an intense sun (rare in and of itself) and sprawling mountains covered in fields of cabbage and rice. That's at least something, right?

Some nice Party propaganda for you all.

Rustic mountains and an actual clear blue sky. Plus temperatures in the high swelterings.

"Boys are terrible animals."

Today was debate week with my freshmen classes. Among the topics was: The school dormitories should be co-ed. Rarely have a gotten such impassioned responses mercilessly vilifying the few boys in each class, so enjoy --


Disagree
Boys are terrible animals, may do crazy things
Boys will see girls in states of undress
Bad for boys and girls in a relationship
Boys are dirty, have bad habits (drink, talk loudly, catcalling)
Play jokes on girls
Parents will disapprove

Livin' the 没有 life.

However little Chinese a foreigner in China knows, there is a dreaded expression that said foreigner quickly learns out here in Chongqing: 没有 (mei you).

This expression is used principally by servers who seem to always run out of whatever commodity you desire, hence the mei you ("don't have"). Those chicken wings you wanted? Mei you. That tasty-looking picture of pasta on the menu? Mei you (the pictures are just for show, and are never actually dishes at the restaurant). The jar of olives at Carrefour? Well, the bar scan had a wrinkle in it so the cashier couldn't ring it up on the computer for you. Mei you.

This mei you touches all aspects of life, and it's anyone's guess what the next mei you will be. Besides clothing and shoe sizes adequate enough for Westerners being mei you, items ordered before will also suddenly disappear. One can order a rather terrible scotch soda at the Golden Palm Restaurant, but when someone on the same night orders a scotch, it's mei you. Apparently all scotch sodas in Hechuan are pre-mixed? At the outside bar in Jiefangbei one Friday night, where they serve Carlsberg on draft, a waitress informed us they mei you enough glasses for the beer. They also mei youd our orders for fries and fried mushrooms.

I have developed a Pavlovian-like fear of servers approaching me without objects in their hands, dreading the next mei you I will receive. But I needn't ever worry about Chinese food like chicken feet or stinky tofu -- they will always have that in abundance for me.

From soccer fields to fishing villages.

Yesterday was the first day in nearly a week that was not full of drizzling, disgusting weather. Just in time, too, for our only Easter celebration consisted of a soccer match between the school's Soccer Society and a random assortment of foreigners and Chinese students coerced by Mat into joining the team.

Sitting on the sidelines before the game.

Our goalie, Bruce Lee.

Patty, a new Paise teacher for this semester.

We lost rather spectacularly, though we did celebrate like true Chongqing losers at hot pot later that night.

Today, in honor of Tomb Sweeping Day, there were no classes. To celebrate a holiday I actually have no clue about, a few other teachers and I took a bus to the Fishing Village, about 5km from the city. Although the name would leave one to believe it is a village somehow related to fishing, there is in fact neither a village nor a fish, but rather a park full of historic battlements and random carvings, all in rather poor condition with a 60 元 admission price.






Despite the haziness of the day, it was a rather charming area. And thanks to school sports day on Thursday and Friday this week, we only have to teach two days. Cheers!